I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
