i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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