dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
