I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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