happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
