have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
