i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
