I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you win again, gameday.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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