there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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