I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
