im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize