He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
