I have demons in me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my being single is dangerous.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
