Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
