all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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