If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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