sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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