he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
