Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
