i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
