Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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