i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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