So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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