I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
