I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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