it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
