He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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