we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
