So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
