Your face is a jimmy john
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
