I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
