i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
