Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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