Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He has the fingertips of a God
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
