She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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