At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
