Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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