either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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