i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
