Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
