She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
