ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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