plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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