i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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