We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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