his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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