none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
