hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
