This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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