I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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