Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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