No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
