why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize