they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My breasts were aching with rage.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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