I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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