Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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