i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
