HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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