i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
false alarm. still invincible.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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