I want to have your abortion
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
