worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
