I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
