yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
