He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
