Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
