if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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