ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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