i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
