it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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