he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
