I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
