I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
